Similar to any other decision in life, getting married is a huge risk. There are usually so many unknowns when you decide to get married. People change, circumstances also change. Even you yourself have no clue how you would react when things don’t go as planned. We all hope for the best as we take the risk to get married. But one thing is certain: God hasn’t promised any of us a trouble-free life.
“Many prospective couples will be shocked and disappointed to find that marriage didn’t quite bring with it all they had hoped it would.”
Marriage is not a bed of roses; it’s a winding journey that will last a lifetime. If you’re not ready for surprises, don’t get married because no one knows what lies ahead. When two people from two different backgrounds, who have different expectations and who are carrying enormous baggage decide to spend the rest of their lives together, it can only take the help of God to avert a disaster. Without God’s help, the marriage is a disaster waiting to happen.
Some people got married to very wealthy people who went bankrupt a few months after the wedding. Their spouses are yet to accept the change in status. Others who got married to healthy spouses have had to deal the debilitating diseases their spouses contracted after the wedding celebrations. A number of these ailments have no cure; they can only be managed.
Many ladies were virgins before they signed on the dotted lines. Ten years have gone by and they are still mums-in-waiting. Other guys kept their swords in their sheaths before they walked down the aisle. But they are now struggling with infertility and sexual dysfunction.
We still don’t know how a guy who was head over heels in love with his wife would suddenly lose self-restraint and abuse her both physically and verbally. It’s beyond comprehension that some women would receive the rude awakening they are second wives. How could they have missed the red flags and fall for such deception?
With the advent of the Internet and social media, people have found ways to become more deceitful and pretend to be what they are not. The marital stakes have become higher and people never know how things would turn out. People promise to be and do all sorts of things. But only time gets to reveal their true motives.
When we let God guide and direct us in making the choice of a spouse, we know He has got our best interest in mind. Having promised us He will make the crooked paths straight, we can rest assured God will give us the grace to go through the trials ahead. But if we run ahead of God, we may have to sort out our issues on our own or live with the consequences of our impatience.
“When two people from two different backgrounds, who have different expectations and who are carrying enormous baggage decide to spend the rest of their lives together, it can only take the help of God to avert a disaster.”
There will be surprises in marriage; while some will be pleasant, others will be devastating. Many prospective couples will be shocked and disappointed to find that marriage didn’t quite bring with it all they had hoped it would. Many men don’t know how to cook or don’t enjoy cooking. But imagine you found out that your husband could cook Chinese meals and offered to cook your favourite delicacies each weekend, you would be pleasantly surprised.
Then, imagine a scenario where this lady gave an impression to everyone that she was a virgin. But it turned out she lied. Eighteen months after marriage, she tells her husband her womb was compromised during an abortion many years ago. That would be really devastating news.
Before we ask God for a beautiful and intelligent wife or a handsome and wealthy husband, let’s ask God for a spouse that loves and fears Him – one whose heart pants after God, has a humble, teachable and wise heart, and who is passionate about the urgent business of the kingdom.
“Don’t rush ahead to get married when you don’t know who you are, why you are here on earth or where you are going.”
Deception or ignorance is not an excuse for divorce. If it were, every couple would have an excuse to ask for a divorce because many couples have been deceived in one way or the other. If we knew then, all we know now, many of us wouldn’t have been married, while some of us might not have got married to the same person.
The pain of divorce is awful; your life never remains the same again. You can’t blame anyone for your decisions. You were mentally alert and aware of the choices you made. So, you are fully responsible for the consequences.
Marriage isn’t an achievement but a huge responsibility. Marriage is a type of risk-reward spectrum. It holds the potential to make a person, if all goes well. But it can also break you and take you on a completely different route in life. Marriage is a huge risk, take that leap with God.
Don’t rush ahead to get married when you don’t know who you are, why you are here on earth or where you are going. Many have failed to answer these questions. As part of the consequences of that, they go ahead to marry the wrong people and end up with lots of regrets.
Many people pretend in relationships. We think that if people around us knew who we really are, they won’t love us. Unfortunately, we can’t keep up the false personas for long. Eventually, the real person comes to the fore and our spouses complain that we have changed. But in reality, we didn’t. We were hiding behind masks and have simply just revealed our true identity.
There are people who pretend to be prayerful and attend all the night vigils and church events just to woo you. Soon after marriage, they don’t seem interested in God anymore. They were never really interested in the first place. While this might be a surprise to you, God knew from the beginning their hearts were far from Him.
So, when you decide to get married, you need to be fully aware that you are taking a big risk. God has not promised any of us that our marriage will be a bed of roses; neither has He promised a trouble-free life. There will be challenges ahead. People will change and circumstances will change as well.
Notwithstanding, this doesn’t mean we should be afraid of getting married because there are no perfect people or because of the many challenges we are going to face. We shouldn’t be discouraged about getting married; if we begin the journey by faith, we have to continue and sustain it by faith. Peradventure God allows us to go through some rough patches or we encounter some unpleasant surprises along the way, we must not abandon God and seek help elsewhere.
Lower your expectations so you will not be sorely disappointed. A lot of people come from dysfunctional families. There are many desperate people with empty love tanks, looking and hoping their spouses would fill the voids in them. They are often disappointed when their expectations are not met, considering their spouses are also as dysfunctional as they are and are looking for who will fill their own empty love tanks.
We really can’t tell if a couple is compatible until they get to the end of their lives. How they are able to navigate through the different phases and stages of their lives will determine if they are. Job’s wife is a good example in this regard. Job and his wife appeared to be compatible when all was well with Job. When the challenges began, she was on her way out.
Let’s ask God for extra eyes to see beyond the pretenses and masks. Ignorance is not an excuse for a divorce.